Seasons Change

It's crazy how a situation can affect your life so much to the point that you question God and his purpose in your life. These last couple of months have been both mentally and physically exhausting. I feel like my days are never-ending but I also feel like there's still light at the end of the tunnel.

My father has been battling cancer for almost 9 months. At first, I was scared for him and emotionally I didn't know how to react. All I felt was hurt because when someone you love is hurting so are you. I felt like my world slowly stopped and a train of thoughts haunted me for a while. I knew I had to leave it all in Gods hands but were humans and I have no shame to say I cried. I cried like a baby in the shower for a while until I realized that God has a purpose for everything he does. The same way he saved my fathers life in previous times is the same way he'll take him out of this situation. My prayers were no longer about me and my new family or about my brother or sister. All my prayers were consumed by my dads health and his well- being. I worried more and more about him than about my son who was a newborn at the time. I cried out to God numerous times questioning why, why he would allow something like this happen in our family. I cried out telling him my mom could only carry so much. One night alone in the shower I felt like God questioned me! I felt like he asked me why was I questioning his perfect purpose and plan in our lives. It was at that moment that I knew I was no one to question him. Only he knew why we were going through this and only he knows when he'll take control of the situation. I no longer prayed about my dads health or well-being, I prayed for knowledge to accept what I couldn't change and to learn how to be thankful in difficult times.

Its been a couple months since we found out about my dads condition and its been a tough journey going through all his treatments. I've seen my father in his highest and lowest. I've witnessed my mom break down in many occasions and I've heard my brothers voice of sadness on the other side of the phone. I've learned that time is precious and that If you love someone you should never stop telling them. I've witnessed my sister honor my mother and father in ways I never thought she could and as a family we've all grown. I know God can still make a miracle in his life but its hard to see life fade away from someone. Its hard to see your parents deteriorate in front of your eyes and not be able to help them in any way. Cancer is not easy and its a sickness that kills slowly. At the end of all of this the biggest lesson I've learned is to take care of yourself and live life day by day. Work is the same today as it will be tomorrow but our health isn't. Make yourself a priority and always enjoy the people you love. God knows that's all we want at this point in my dads life.