Preferential

of or involving preference or partiality; constituting a favor or privilege.

I’ve always wondered what I would tell my son the day he comes home disappointed because he’s been picked last for a game. The thought of it happening to me as a child was daunting but then again, that’s the reason why I never played on teams. The thought of it happening to me as an adult is a whole new ballgame.

I’ve always been an individual who goes after what she wants. When I was in search of becoming a State Trooper many people thought I would never make it. I even began to question it but God is good and has always seen me through. I had days where I didn’t think I could amount to what I was hoping to be and days where I thought I was the best person for it. I remember walking up a hill every morning at 5:30 praying to God to show favor in me but to also humble me where my heart needed humbleness. It was in those quiet moments where God really spoke to me and taught me to trust his purpose and his divine intervention. It was at the top of that hill that I learned patience and humbleness is a virtue.

Those days at the academy were rough but they truly made a big impact in my life. Looking back I thank God for putting my heart under fire. It’s precisely those moments that have helped me through the last couple of months in my career. As I strived for more in my personal life I felt like that child who was picked last. For a split second I felt like throwing in the towel and calling it quits. But God really knows when to test your heart and faith. I’m not going to lie I cried and sobbed on the phone with my husband when I realized what I was pursuing was unobtainable. Not because I was biting more than what I can chew but because I didn’t fall in that category of predilection. It was at the end of that phone call where God spoke to my heart and really opened up my eyes. It’s not about what I want in my timing, its about what God has planned in his time. I learned that my plans are not his plans.

Once I was able to accept that my heart settled. I no longer felt like that neglected child who was not chosen because others preferred another team player over them. I realized that the last shall be first and the first last. I may not be advancing in my career the way I want to but I know the time will come where God will show favor in me.